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it was an interesting day. - everything has got its place and time
July 30th, 2005
10:52 pm


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it was an interesting day.
to start out with the one accomplishment that has marked the last few days as worth living (which should give you a foreshadowing of how depressing the last few days have been), i finished the drama scrapbooks today. a few months late, but they're done. one axe, frankenstein, and wss. all over.

i didn't do much of anything. tried to stay in bed as much as possible, but it seemed impossible. i read about 300 pages of Harry Potter, but can only take so much of it at a time. im gonna have a problem when i finish it and the rest of the books i want to read are at the bottom of a big bin in chris's house... yeah... ill have to dig through that, i suppose. *shrug*

it was one of those days where i must have looked out the window every 30 minutes to see if a friend or someone would come rescue me. i love my grandparents, and goodness knows they love me, too. but they are getting so senile, and treat me like im an incapable child. yeah... too much of that makes me need to get away. and as i write this i find myself glaring out the window every second i pause to think and collect my scattered thoughts.

tonight my grandma spent half an hour telling me that i "scrapbook wrong." i was frankly just not in a mood to hear it so i stole a flashlight and slipped into my closet. eventually they'll figure out that's where i go when i'm not okay with whatever's going on.

i'm really sorry i didn't go to the MOB thing. i'm some combination of physically and mentally stranded, and it - in short - just didn't seem like a good idea. i miss socializing and such, but when you're just not up to something not only will you not have a good time, but you'll prevent others from having a good time, too. and that's not what i wanted. not at all.

my mom and grandma went to falls church house to clean - tomorrow's our last day of official ownership there. i feel bad for not helping today, but not too bad because i've been working so hard there for the last several days, and i just took the day off.

i don't understand why i dwell so much on insignificant things, but i do... and there doesn't seem to be anything i can do to stop it. so to put something out there, i'm not thrilled with the way things went down yesterday, but i don't want to be hated, so i'm working really hard to let it go. i don't react normally to a lot of things, but that's because i've had to react to a lot of abnormal things. it's hard to pinpoint anyone's emotional damage, so i'm not going to try to tackle mine with a definition right now.

*stands up because she hears a car engine coming this way down Kay Ct*

yeah, its really sad how stationary life is when you don't drive. i don't recommend it. i think my problem is that i'm just lonely. i'm also going through crap i don't like talking about so i don't... but then i act strangely and people can't understand. but that's okay, i personally don't care if i'm misunderstood. as long as people i care about accept me anyway, it doesn't matter.

i miss renting movies and watching them on a school night because you don't feel like doing anything else and then going out to eat at midnight. and yeah, i don't feel as carefree as i did nine months ago. i miss that a lot.

*letting it go* thus, hearts today.

Current Mood: rejectedrejected
Current Music: Fantasies Come True - Avenue Q

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

[User Picture]
Date:July 30th, 2005 10:23 pm (UTC)
look on the bright side, three weeks till college.

Also, is there a lot of drama stuff going on that I just don't hear about/am invited to? I hear/heard about so much going on, but never seem to take part in any of it.
[User Picture]
Date:July 31st, 2005 08:38 am (UTC)
I LOVE MADDIE++; (that's the only compsci thingy I remember..)
[User Picture]
Date:July 31st, 2005 08:13 pm (UTC)
hey maddie this is lavanya..could you tell me your address as of now? i wanted to send you something. you can email me at lava260@yahoo.com.
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